Post by matt on Apr 9, 2010 18:31:25 GMT -8
It was nice out, the birds were chirping loudly. The sun was shining brightly, and the wind was perfectly still. An abrupt slamming sound breaks the impeccable silence. It turns out to be the roof door, being open violently by an invisible force. Just seconds later the tall, husky frame of new resident Matthew Gerald Turnbull steps up. His feet plant heavily on the unkempt roof’s gravelly surface. His face was redden with anger, his chest expanded and collapses in drastically with every breath he took. He was pissed and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Matt found himself standing in the center of the vacant roof, just himself, well, with the exception of about six pigeons that sat aloof on the edge. He began to storm back and forth in a pace, his thoughts went a mile a minute. This is why he was here, this is why his mom sent him to Worden. He knew he couldn’t let the security find him like this, it’ll mean a session with the therapist. A session with a therapist meant he stayed there until he told him something, but if he told him what was on his mind he’d have to come out of the closet. That was his absolute worst fear, and he couldn’t let it out. It was bad enough that he let three gay and bi boys know, but to tell someone else!
His breathing didn’t slow down a bit and neither did his racing thoughts. He swallowed hard and looked up at the sky for answers. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a movie. It was real life and there was nothing spelt out for him in the sky, or no silver lining to lead him. Just like he’s been all his life, alone. He always saw how the open gays were so happy after coming out, but he knew it wouldn’t be that way. Mainly, because he wouldn’t be happy with himself that way. He couldn’t allow himself to come out, because he is still holding on to the thought that maybe he isn’t bi, that maybe he is completely straight and he is just going through some weird, brief stage that will be over soon. The feeling of suicide cam back, he knew if he got himself to look over the edge he’d do it. He knew it! But could he? He asked himself over and over again if he had the balls! Finally, he stopped pacing. His heart began to lower, his blood level began to drop to normal level. He looked deviously at the edge of the tall building. He knew that just one leap-of-faith is all it would take for it to be over. He didn’t like how all of the sudden he grew disturbingly calm, as if he was ready to accept his fate and jump. He flicked one foot off the roof’s top and stepped forward advancing in a step. A step that could be one of his very last. Once he’s gotten to the edge, he timidly peers over. The fright nearly causes him to lose his balance, but before he falls he steps back and holds his chest.
“Don‘t do this. You’re aren‘t bi. You will grow up and marry a young, beautiful wife.” Matt says to himself softly. But as soon as the words leave his mouth he shakes his head lightly, knowing he’s lying to himself. He falls on his ass then grips both sides of his head. His eyes are to tighten and soon a trail of tears start streaming slowly down his face, he tries to fight them off by biting his lip but they’re inevitable. The sound of the door slamming is repeated, Matt quickly wipes the flowing tears with his hand. He tries his best to act okay, but it doesn’t work to well for him.
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tagged; open
tagged; open